So nobody ever told us, baby, how it was gonna be… so what'll happen to us, baby, guess we'll have to wait and see*

A sunny day today- mercury rising pleasantly and giving us the taste of the last few summer days before winter comes galloping in. I’m at work, my head swimming in words and numbers and ‘Estranged’ (by GNR) in my ears- such an odd song of choice for such a bright day, eh? No reason, just one of those things.

Life has been busy and ‘interesting’- mostly in a good way. There is still some darkness and I’m still in a tunnel- but not without torchlight :); and for now, I am okay with that. There have been some changes too- many twists and turns in uncharted territories, scary sometimes but strangely exciting in others. And while usually I’m not fond of changes much- I figured we live only once after all; and changes probably indicate that I’m ‘living’ it instead of just mindlessly ‘being in a trap called *life*’.

So yea, here I am- living the only life that I’ve got; and the journey is ‘growing on me’… there has been moments I’ve missed you, my friends, and I hope you all have been alive and ‘living’ too. I needed a few hundred days to touch base with myself before I could reach out and know about your days- I hope you can forgive me for that.

… and on my ‘one of the’ last days of summer, I am hoping for some sun your way too.

[Title Credit: Estranged by Guns N’ Roses]

... and though time goes by, I will always be... in a club with you in 1973*

Here I am… breaking it again: the promise that I WILL write a few lines everyday.

The last few days were again a blur… with random explosions of emotion, sadness, revelations and some (possible) mistakes. They were not good- the days; but I don’t want to talk about them…

You see, I’d rather talk about monkeys and cats because they are fun and easy :). Aren’t those the things you’d rather hear of anyway as well? :)

I will say this, however, that I’m not sure if I am finally doing something I should have done a long time back- or just making the biggest mistake of my life… but the arrow has been shot and I’m now seeing it go. That’s all I can do, I guess…

… and also I’m considering seeing a therapist... you know, regularly. I gathered I need to. I need to.


On a happy note, Sher- my kitten- loves me very much… and whoever thought that things like this alone cannot make you go on- are dead wrong; because they can. And they are.

*Title credit: 1973 by James Blunt

Four

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die. 

- Elizabeth Frye, 1932

I remember thinking of this poem around the time my grandmother died. It's been 4 years now, almost. It's strange to think that 4 years back, on a September day... my world had gotten a little smaller.

Dida, forever missed. 

Sometimes when I think of her, her absence speaks to me... then there are times when I feel she is right there inside of me... but most of the times, despite the pain and sadness of her parting- and despite knowing that I will never ever see her again, I'm glad I was an important part of HER life...

... as she was in mine.

Four long years and many more to come, I guess...

I miss you Dids. I wish you never left... and I wish my heart and my brain could trick me into believing in some kind of an afterlife for just once so that I could hope to see you again.