Tuesday, June 15, 2010 | By: Reenie

Little sister... I've been trying to feel complete again; but you are gone, so is God...*

I understand that there is THAT point in some relationships... when you stop trying, when you give up, when you decide to move on... the point when you decide to let it go.

I don’t reach that point easily- maybe because I hardly ever have relationships that close... the relationships that do reach this point at all need to have a shared past- a history- even though ‘no’ future... and I am a little too ‘hermit-y’ to have many friends with a ‘history’.

It might not have been easy, but I’m accepting it about a certain friend of mine: I’m moving on. I understand it has happened some time back... it was me who was still carrying the dead bones of a friendship that I thought was like no other, with my little first-aid kit and a faith in our ‘shared history’... hoping that I will be able to make it thrive again someday...

... only that I was the only one of us who cared. It is quite a burden, let me tell you- it can make you feel very ‘un-special’ :)

I am now moving on... to those who still care, who still worry if I tell them about the bad things happening in my life and in my not-quite-sane head, who still think that I am the ‘beautiful friend’. It took me a little more than a year to say it out, but it is quite possibly better this way. It is more ‘balanced’ when not ONE of us cares anymore.

[It sucks though, doesn’t it? Makes me wonder if you, too, have reached this infamous point ever in your life?]

*Post Title from: A man and a woman by U2.

10 thoughts:

Kea said...

Oh, yes. Sometimes I have to be beaten over the head, figuratively speaking, before I realize I ought to have let go months or even years before.

What I have found in my life that is very few people stay with you on your entire Journey. Most people come into your life (and you into theirs) when you have a need, perhaps even a hidden need, and when you no longer have that need, you often grow apart and no longer maintain the friendship.

To me, however, that doesn't diminish the love and joy shared. It just means your paths have diverged.

A number of years ago someone told me not to give more than you get back in return. It sounds selfish, and I suppose it is, but it was very good advice. Particularly for someone like me who is wont to be loyal and steadfast long past a relationship's "best before" date.

WarmSunshine said...

what if you replace "friend" with the word "husband"??

yea im serious.

Reenie said...

@Kim,

I know. I could understand every word there. I am the same. Maybe it comes with me being 'selective', I never had many friends and I'm very loyal to those that I consider as my friends...

Reenie said...

@ Mehreen,

Yes, doing that would take you to a scene not much different- only higher in intesity and social stigma.

Hope all is well with you. *hugs*

candlelight soldier said...

its intensely personal,but in my case its always been hard..But,i'v also been on the other side too..

candlelight soldier said...

and thnq..its always nice,unexpected surprises..

Reenie said...

@ Candlelight:

Yea, I have been to the other side too. I don't like it either way. And thank you fir dropping by :)

Agnes said...

For some reason, all of this reminds me of that good ol' country song... every gambler knows that the secret to surviving is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep 'cause every hand's a winner and every hand's a loser... you got to know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em, know when to walk away and know when to run, you never count your money when you're sitting at the table, there'll be time enough for counting when the deal is done Well, something like that anyway.

When are you leaving??? Are you gonna blog (+photos) while in Bangladesh??? Please???

Reenie said...

@ Agnes,

I don't know that song! I need to change that :).

Leaving on the 28th. I'm taking my laptop and plan to post :).

But look at you! Are you back home from Dubai?

Agnes said...

Great, great, great, please post some photos too, I want to see Bangladesh :-)))

Country music is not my cup of tea but that song is kinda cool :-)

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