I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more... just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall at your door

The last thing I wanted today was another desk lunch... so I put my walking shoes on about half an hour before- to make the ‘flee’ hassle free when the time comes. It worked. I vanished for an hour as soon as the clock struck 12- without a backward glance, before anyone could book a lunch-meeting with me to discuss some specific ‘cost’ or ‘tax’, before anyone could very well call my name...


It wasn’t a Market Day, but I took the walk anyway. I walked on the empty streets, passing the closed shop shutters, dusts making my feet look darker, pigeons here and there- I walked without care... savouring the sunlight and basking in its warmth. I needed this, I really did.

I do not need the market. I don’t take walks for the market; I do because I like the feel of it- of the whole thing... the dust, the sunlight, the birds and the hint of the ocean in the air; and at that very moment- I had everything I needed, except perhaps the red scarf that I had left on my work desk in my haste... but that’s okay. I had the more important stuff.... I truly am better now- mentally, even though nothing really has changed.

It’s silly how much easier it gets to think rationally when you have some fresh dust on your feet.

[Did you recognise the song that I’ve used in the title? One of my favourites of all time...!]

... that’s why I keep on running... before I’ve arrived, I can see myself coming... *

It’s not easy to break free... when you know it and at the same time- refuse to... when you have the words but they won’t come out... when you want to make a blog entry, but keep on deleting... for reasons unknown, or maybe known - but unacknowledged.

I don’t have to make things so complicated, and yet I do. Do you do it, too? It’s terrible, isn’t it?

Adding the icing to this cake of life, there’s work pressure, immense work pressure.... so much that even after a good 8.5 hours of work- there’s a kind of guilt that creeps in when I proceed to turn the computer off, so much that my lunch-break walks along my beautiful beach-y work area are put away as activities of another time. Aren’t those work-desk lunches one of the saddest things on earth? I think they are.

I guess I’m in a cold dark tunnel waiting for the light in the end. It must be the work pressure, or the weather, or the season, or this kidney thing... but whatever it is, I’m keeping a look-out for the sight of that light.... I’m sure THAT is where my happy place is.

... and I know I will get there somehow, I just need to wait this time out.... and I’ll be fine.

I hope you are not too sick of me by the time I come along?

[*The title is from the lyrics of my favourite Robbie Williams’ song: Feel]

The Fickle Pickle

The last few weeks, ever since moving to BlogSpot- I have been obsessively looking for a template that I’d like to settle with (I’m sure some of you have noticed; I’m sorry if I hurt your head :))... so far I have changed it at least 10 times in the little over a month that I’ve been to BlogSpot... and still could not find one that I’d like to settle with- not for my own blog anyway.....

... for Sherkhan’s blog though, I’m happy to say- I found one that’s just perfect for the time being! Please have a look at the screenshot- 'biggify' it, if you have some time- and let me know if you like it, too? I’m happy for the amount of labour I have put into it... because I feel it was worth it- to me it looks good.

Not so lucky about my own blog (by which, of course, I mean this very one!) though. But knowing myself- I know I’ll keep looking.... but I have pretty much looked everywhere it seems, there is nothing new I can find anymore.... so for now, I’m settling with my current one... BUT... by all means, recommendations are most welcome and will be much appreciated.

Yea, you can call me fickle and I will not hold itagainst you. No, really- actually Crazy already did- however indulgently. And given that the rate I’ve been going on with changing my blog template is more than that of some people change their..... umm.... intimates, I’d say it’s fair enough!

Shishir Bindu

There is a Tagore poem that’s been running in my head today

"dekha hoy nai chokkhu meliya
.. ghor hotey shudhu dui pa feliya
... ekti dhaaner shisher upor
.... ekti shishir bindu...."

It’s taking me back about 2 decades, to that large L-shaped classroom of my elementary school... weird curriculum of grade 5, where a poem of this multitude of meaning was taught to a bunch of 10 year olds... !

The rough translation of these lines goes somewhat like this:

"I never did open my eyes to see
.. just two steps away from me
... in the paddy field there, the beauty
.... in one single drop of dew on one single rice seed..."

It is a beautiful poem, I could not do it much justice with my amateur translation perhaps- and it took me 2 whole decades to understand what Tagore was trying to say and what they were trying to teach me all those years back... when I was too young to possibly understand Tagore.

For once, I like something that is doing a somersault inside my head... now isn’t THAT a relief?

It’s always sunny in the Friday Island..!

I wake up on Fridays by the sound of the garbage collecting truck... yea, even before my alarm goes off at 5:50am (le sigh!)... because that is when the truck comes to collect in our neighbourhood... and while I agree that it is not the best way to wake up on any morning- the fact remains- that by this I’m reminded that it’s Friday...

Today I found myself waking up with a smile- even before I opened my eyes, even before the alarm went off, long before the sunlight came out- listening to the garbage bins unloading crap and red lights flashing on the truck’s rear. I know, I have been told on various occasions that I’m perpetually weird. True, I take it as a compliment, but that’s a different story. Haha!

But it’s Friday, People!! It’s the day we are clear of the week’s crap- literally and metaphorically... and start with the renewed energy... Actually, I am already in my ‘bring it on!’ mood, with a little help from the... umm... my friend, the strong cappuccino... that I seem to be addicted to...

I’m making it a big deal? No. Fridays ARE big deals! Period.

Just in the way of clarifying the confusion (if there was any)- I don’t mean to sound all that negative about my weekdays- and really they are not so bad usually either- but these days? Well, its QBR (Quarterly Business Review) time of the year; one of those times when the last place I want be in- is where I am needed the most.... and it’s so easy to fall into the trap of ‘feeling trapped’... if that makes any sense!

Peace, Freedom and Zombies...

Do you see how there is a clash between religion and freedom of speech? I mean- you must see it, too- right? Well... I do.

Do you see how the religious zealots claim they’ll ‘kill me' if I say anything that is in disagreement with their god... and they say it in a way that’s it’s a completely okay/ virtuous thing to do? Like there is some sort of an irrefutable decree sanctioned to them, like human life is worthless, like everyone’s morality exists only if they follow that order and not the one they know in their own hearts as right....?

Yea, I see it all too well; and you know what- it annoys the hell out of me!

We are different from each other, each one of us- you are not me and I am not you. Is it so hard to take the differences and just move on? Is it really so hard to live your life as you please and letting me live as I do? Apparently, it is!

I’m a little annoyed at the moment... okay more than just a little, and I think I’m entitled to it, too- I do not do well with suppression of any kind- be it based on gender, religion, freedom of speech or freedom of choice.

Funny as it may sound and tempting as it is- I’m at least only just writing about the annoyance and not picking up the gun and to murder a fellow human on the account of his mindless, feverish, brainwashed disagreements with me? In this era of violence and bloodshed, this must count for something!

Sunshine...

It was really cold last few days- in fact one morning it was 5.2c and on another, 6c. Today’s 7c was much much better; I now know what I’d have found difficult to believe otherwise: how much that 1c makes a difference!

In fact at one point today, when the temperature peaked at 15c around noon- I put my jacket on and stepped outside. I have always loved my walks around my work- there is a beach nearby, and seagulls, and pigeons... so off I went in my flat shoes, hair tied loosely at the back, hands in the pockets, looking up and inhaling the cool and crisp air of this beautiful city... while the beautiful sunlight played on my face. This, my friends, is the closest to what perfection is to me.

It is so much easier to forget all the worries, to put aside all my complexities, to feel content when there is sunlight this pretty. Too bad it’s so rare during this time of the year... something tells me that I’d have been a much better person if I had this sunlight whenever I needed it.

Like today; I really needed it today... Do not concern yourselves though. The sunlight has done his job well, my universe is again back in its orbit once again and all those issues are now put aside as worries for some other time...

See how much power this silly little piece of wonderful sunlight has in my world? Does it play this big a part in yours?

Some stuffs... and then some

If I were not in my Monday morning 'good spirits' today (beep... beep... beep... sarcasm alert... beep... beep!), I’d have sued Metro right there and then for getting my morning train just enough late to make me miss it for seconds even when I was 16 minutes late to reach the station!!

... or is it Murphy who I should have punched on the face instead?

Also... would you believe me now if I said I am NOT a violent person?

Can I borrow your Time Machine?

My colleague Jan, while walking with me from the tram stop to office one early morning, was saying how ‘sad’ it is that we live from day to day Monday to Thursday waiting for Friday. We laughed it off then, but thinking through now- I don’t know if it’s ‘sad’ or if there is a better word that says what it exactly is... but it surely does not sound right...

A little voice tells me that life should not be like that... life should be something we live every day, not just on weekends.

..... but that’s my gypsy’s soul talking; my accountant’s brain though, has learnt better- it now knows how limited you are if the colour of your passport is green, it knows that you have to try harder if you were born in a less affluent country that does not speak the same language as the 'rest of the world'- but I don’t want to dwell on all that ‘negativities’ now.... it’s Friday after all!!

Yes, it’s Friday! It’s my happy day! Yippie!!!

... now- let’s come to the point- have any of you got a time machine that will fast forward the time to 6pm? Just asking... :P

CHILLATTACK!

Today’s weather forecast says cold, rain and hailstorm.

So far, there’s only the cold- and oh so cold... so cold. I wore two layers of warmies on top of my office shirt today, with trousers- did not dare to even look at the skirts in the wardrobe- AND I’m still cold!

Hailstorm!? Can’t even begin to anticipate how cold it’ll get once THAT hits!

You know how on those nice and hot summer days you look at those thick turtlenecks in the wardrobe with a certain kind of ‘discomfort’.... almost as if the mere sight of something warm clinging to your neck is repulsive? Today, I apologise to all the turtlenecks in my wardrobe... yes- the green one, the black & white one, the purple one and the beige one... I’m sorry and I love you.

No, really- I’m pretty sure that it’s my bottle green turtleneck that saved me this morning from a chill-stroke.

PS: ... and... if some certain mates of mine in Pennsylvania and Winnipeg are reading this by any chance at all- STOP SMIRKING RIGHT NOW! 5c is cold for me, thankyouverymuch!!

Hello! My Yellow Polka Dots!

I had the second doctor’s visit yesterday...

A few more tests (thankfully, no blood works- saves me from a... umm... ‘fainting’ obligation), and we’ll know where we stand... and where we need to go from there... and when I know, I might even stop being so vague in my blog! Do remember though- I said ’might’ :)!

All I know for certain now is that.... I still do not like doctors, I eat fruits every day, kittens are cute and the one that lives with me is the CUTEST, I miss summer mornings, coffee is a lifesaver and the sight of sunflowers make me happy happy happy!

That’s a lot of knowledge for a day... the rest can wait till the tomorrows.

Mothers...

I wanted to make a mother’s day post- but I’m struggling with words; so I decided to do a photo post instead. Hence, here I am... watch me go!

Okay, start!

Here is an infant me- with parents.



Do you see how gingerly my dad is holding me and do you see how pretty my mother is, and how young? I am so used to seeing them as ‘mum’ and ‘dad’ that I forget that they, too, were new at being ‘parents’ at some point of their lives. Now, how silly is that?

Here is another one of my beautiful mother.



This is my favourite photograph of my mother, simply because it captures the great ‘natural’ beauty that she is.

And here... is my grandmother and me.



I wish there were more pictures of us- of dida and I. I don’t know why but there just never was... and I miss her in my life more than I can ever explain, more than I have ever missed anyone in my life, more than I thought was possible. Well, that says enough I guess.

Now, this is me with the set of our parents- Crazy’s and mine. I realized I don’t have any other photograph of Crazy’s mum otherwise (she is the one in green)...



She might be the most mature and patient mother figure I have ever come across; and I’m so happy to have her in my life.

Now that the photos are shared, I am again struggling with words.... so I better end it here for now. Today is clearly not my (blogging) day :).

Find me in the Ga-Ga Land

Can someone tell me why the tunes that get stuck in your head are not the ones that you’d rather have?

I, for example, have a Lady Gaga number stuck in mine... and I can’t believe I’m actually admitting it! Oh what the hell... so, I have Lady Gaga stuck in my head and I have nothing against Lady Gaga, but I’d rather have some other tune in my head- if you know what I mean? Like say... umm... maybe ‘The Doors’?

And guess what was stuck in my head last night: Kylie Minogue- with her ‘Can’t get you out of my head'. YES, and with every bit of that ta na na tanananana..., THAT- my friends- is something I can totally assure you of!

Can’t we really not do a thing about this whole phenomenon?

No?

Yea, thought so.

So there- since I love you all so much and I’d just LOVE to have you all in the ‘Gagaland/ K-land’ with me, I leave you with this:



Please listen to this and please please please join me here; otherwise it's getting way too lonely in Gagaland, or K-land- wherever the hell I am at the moment :)

Where is my cocoon?

I tell myself and the world that I don’t need the details... that I don’t care.... Can someone tell me why the hell then do I dig them out? Why do I feel that no matter how bad it is- I just need to know?

So, yea- I dug them out and there they are right in front of my eyes... and I am so tempted to just walk away from this feeling of worthlessness, I see I cannot change any bit of it ... and I cannot seem to take them either.

May be I have a masochistic bone in me or something?

All other things apart- on some days it’s just harder to go on.... harder, yes; but not impossible.

Got to remember that.

Rainbow Splash

It is yet another rainy day at Melbourne today... the streets are full of umbrella heads- red, pink, blue and green... while the temperature is in single digit (in Celsius) and it rained so much that you’d think that there is a gaping hole in the sky or something?

I was one of the many in the busy Melbourne CBD streets this morning- walking with the umbrella... the splashes of colours made from umbrellas held by us pedestrians creating this very interesting composition (in my eyes anyway)... I contributed to ‘the great colour splash’ with my ‘navy’. Not the happiest of colours, I know, but well... I always liked subtlety.

Somehow it feels good to be a part of things that are supposedly ‘insignificant’... partly because they are not really insignificant (not in my world anyway), and partly because it makes me feel like I found a hidden ‘treasure’ of pretty stuff before anyone even noticed!

Is it weird? I guess it is, if only a little.

Isn’t it a pity, though, that on a day as pretty as this one- I had to spend the first half in possibly THE most boring meeting that I have been to EVER in my LIFE? Actually, I’m hoping that it was indeed the most boring meeting of my life... simply so that it is now behind me (phew!), if you know what I mean?

Apples and Oranges...

If an apple a day really keeps the doctors away ... what does an apple and an orange do?

Well... that’s my usual brekkie- an apple and an orange- and coffee. Sometimes I skip both fruits and have a plum instead (and coffee), sometimes on rare occasions- maybe a banana (and coffee of course). But none of it sounds too shabby, right?

... not to mention the tomato juice, tomato soup and V8 in my diet? They may make me sound weird to the majority of earthlings... but at least it is beyond any question ‘healthy’ weird..!

As in- the job of ‘keeping the doctor away’ can still be carried out seamlessly, I’d have thought? And, am I not every mother’s dream when it comes to food habit? Can’t say that about much of anything else though, I know I made quite an... umm... ‘unusual’ daughter myself- being sort of ill-at-ease with anything to do with... err... well... ‘close’ relationships?

Anyhow, as I was saying- they better be right about their ‘apple theory’... because I really really really don’t like doctors- even though I grew up with one (yeah... Dad). Like many other things, I truly do empathize with my kitten who’d protest, fight, claw, seek help, and plead not to be put in his carrier at the prospect of going to the vet.

Total empathize.

Memories of the Yellow

Sometimes it’s hard to imagine how little I was once.... then I look at the evidence in form of pictures taken, and well... I’m left with no choice... :)

Here is one such picture:



This is 4 or 5 years old me, with my parents.... it’s a washed out photograph of the mid 80’s, it probably does not say much if I don’t mention that the location of this photograph is in Iraq?

Well, there you go then- the location is Mosul, a Kurdish-speaking region of Iraq where I spent the first few years of my life. My dad was in charge of making a hospital there back in that time; and mum and I had followed.

However, see the yellow light (partly attributed by the 'age' of the photograph, but still...)? This yellow light is something I keep mentioning to Crazy whenever I describe how Iraq was- all those years back- before it was devastated by the war... this yellow light is what Agnes, one of my favourite blogorettes in the www-land, imagines Middle East has....

I have not been to Iraq for more than 20 years now... but it’s good to know that I still remember the colour of sunlight reflected on her golden land...

The land of my childhood...

How I wish everyday was a Sunday...

I am re-reading the 'The Book of Questions', after being reminded of it while walking in the rain a few days ago.



..... then today being a Sunday and as a result of which- me doing nothing much else other than tossing up some spaghetti so as not to starve to death, (re-)reading that wonderful book and contemplating about what to put down on my blog today that will explain this weird state of mind that I am in...

Then, I decided I don't have to. I mean- isn't that the beauty of blogging? That you are free to leave it absolutely alone every once in a while?

... So that being said, I'm going back my lazy Sunday with my book and my cup of steaming hot masala tea....

But while I do that make sure you remeber to stay well, my friends :)

Grocer gone Bad

I’m beginning to think that I am the only one who’s keeping Woolies’ sales for tomato juice in line. I mean, everyone else seems to hate it! No worries!! Listen up, you tomato juice haters: as long as I am here in this city- tomato juice stays in business!

Muhahahaha!!!!!

Keeping chocolates in business, though, is your responsibility... I don’t care if they stay or go; I am not a fan of chocolates, or movies, or telly, or cakes, or muffins (you can stop gasping now, Mister Majority, thankyouverymuch!).

And also... since when bananas became gold? I mean.... Australia was not hit by the recent inflation as bad as many others, right?

.... then how come Aussie bananas were?

..... or is it some sort of ‘demand control mechanism’ employed by the ‘Banana Republic’?