Monday, December 3, 2012 | By: Reenie

Little things, Big things...

Life lately has been calm and steady... I won't go as far as saying 'relaxed', no one can claim any such thing with a 5-month (gasp!) old around- and one can argue that I am a calm person usually anyway (true that too!)... so there's nothing new... well, maybe.

In the past few weeks- we have taken Little D to the beach (he loved it, atta boy!) and to a BBQ (he did NOT like it, sigh!), caught up with some lost ties, had my wisdom tooth extracted (ouch!), broke our rice cooker (yes, again! I seem to have a 'blue thumb' when it comes to rice cookers!), started Little Dee on solids (Yup! So far his favourite is zucchini...)... and many little things more... some of them pretty insignificant actually.

 

But see? Calm... but, oh well, what can I say- calm, I think, is good... specially when it is not something that's summoned after a deliberate 'count to 10' and steadying breaths... Calm is peaceful, and sometimes, correction: actually most of the times, it happens to be my primary method of self-preservation...

... and if you are one of those who have an idea what that last bit means- let's do coffee! :).

 

 

Sunday, November 11, 2012 | By: Reenie

... the world forgetting, by the the world forgot...

They say a picture says a thousand words. I do not have a thousand words- so may be I'll just share a picture and let it do the talking?

Yup! Here goes:

This is just to say that my life has not been all that bad actually; I realize the last post was heavy. It was just one of those things. I'm okay, really.

And yes, the 'girl' in me found it absolutely great that I got to use a good part of the $100 gift card that my work gave me buying... wait for it... baby clothes... ta daaaa!!! Lol.

... Yup, yesterday... that's when Crazy took this picture. Shopping makes me happy, can you tell?

Life changes... but I'm not making it up when I say shopping for baby clothes is fun as!

Yes, it is. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise ;).

[Title Credit: Alexander Pope, Eliosa to Abelard- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind].

 

Friday, November 9, 2012 | By: Reenie

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose; I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose...

I don't get to notice much of anything these days, but I do notice some days that there's sunlight till late. True, the significance of this occurring has decreased by a degree since I am home all day everyday lately... but I'd rather have sunlight till late than not anyday anyway :).

It has been lovely and warm and sunny around here lately. What can I say, life has a way of balancing the suns and rains- I have noticed it before too... haven't you?

In other news- some things have changed, some have grown, some have disappeared, some have appeared- the usual, you know?

Highlights? Well, there are a few:

Little Dee is 4-months old now and I now have a little more than 2 months till I go back to work. It's been wonderful to see him grow and I never knew the experience would be so gratifying... on the flip slide, it is also back-breaking hard work- but other than the occasional feeling of 'under appreciation' (I know, that part is quite a dealbreaker as I have realized not so long ago), I have been managing well- both physically and mentally.


Little Dee, October 2012.
 Emotionally, it has not been very smooth sailing. In fact, I have been a little sad and lonely. I have reached out, sought help... but well, these things don't always work out... and like some other times in my life in the past, I have noticed that this is simply is easier- if I can 'cruise it out' somehow... it makes me kinda lonely, true, but not lonely as to realize that no one I'd like really 'cares'. I have always been self-sufficient, it's just a matter of time till I get used to it; I know this for a fact. I've done it before after all :).

This, actually, is all.

What can I say- given that the days of my life are alarmingly similar lately punctuated only by differences in what we had for dinner and what I wore- I can say I did say quite a lot; don't you think?

[Title Credit: The Stars- Your Ex-Lover is Dead]



Tuesday, October 2, 2012 | By: Reenie

Sundown yellow moon, I replay the past. I know every scene by heart, they all went by so fast...

I have been overtly sensitive to criticisms lately... I know it's not a good thing...

... but it surely annoys me to my core these days to hear out the list of things I'm doing wrong in my new role of a mother; or sometimes not even 'wrong', per se- but how they are 'not up to the mark'... how it could be done better if it was done by anyone but me.

It's a new-ish thing for me, I used to be somewhat open to criticism. I thought even in my non-confrontationational, shy, private, introvert ways- I used to be someone rather confident in my capabilities.

It was one of my strong points and now I have lost that edge, it seems.

I'm changing- evidently for the worse. Now it hurts, yes- hurts, to hear of my shortfallings.

I wish I knew how to change back.

Title credit: Bob Dylan- If You See Her Say Hello

 

Sunday, September 30, 2012 | By: Reenie

Wake me up when September ends

... though, to be honest, 'waking up' is not really my problem these days.

My problem is the opposite.

I don't get much sleep... and let's just say my 'little man' has taken over my life is ways I didn't think was possible.

One example: my phone screensaver.

Well, why don't you for yourself:


I know! Umm... well, at least he's cute!

I get by well through the day though- with about six hours of sleep every night, sometimes less [like last night I got three]. Somedays I am nothing short of Superwoman; a tired one maybe- but hey... still!

What can I say?

'Thank goodness for caffeine', perhaps? :)

*Title credit: Green Day: Wake me up when September ends



Thursday, September 27, 2012 | By: Reenie

Pretty Flowers and Breaking Dawns

This morning I woke up to the smell of jasmines....

The jasmines that were brought to us by a friend yesterday...

... a friend we saw after 3 years and caught up well after such a gap, I must say... :).

She had come to see Little Dee.

Such a beautiful fragrance to wake up to.

I have often said waking up at the wee hours in a house that is still sleeping has its perks :)... and sometimes there are happy realizations about how true that is...

... and this is one of those realizations.

 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012 | By: Reenie

Mom Club

I still have not replied to all the emails that needs replying.

I promise to- right after this blogpost; given that the Little Dee does not wake up untimely demanding cuddles/ food/ attention.

I'm not reponsible for my actions anymore.


I now belong to the 'mom club'- and my (more than usual) lack of social skills and etiquette is getting ridiculous! :P



Tuesday, September 25, 2012 | By: Reenie

Stolen...

I have a thousand and one emails to reply to...

... and about half an hour till Little Dee is up demanding to be fed... the power of his lungs knows no bounds; sometimes I'm not sure that's a good thing, lol! :P

... hence I thought it makes perfect sense procastrinate and make a blog post instead.

So, here I am! :)

Hi! :)

PS: I'm reading Leo Tolstoy's Ana Karenina again... it is, in my opinion, one of the most thorough pieces of literary art!

 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012 | By: Reenie

Inside and Out

I'm a little moody lately [I'm blaming the lack of sleep and also the fact that I have not been out in sun and fresh air for a while now]... my ever-failing self-control is coming handy so far- just following a few (seemingly simple) mantras: think about neutral stuffs, keep the head as blank as possible, avoid confrontations at all costs, steer all possible unpleasant conversations to a safer ground, make jokes at every possibility- even when you don't feel like it- making someone laugh can be quite rewarding... and keeping my digits crossed that I don't end up saying things that I may regret later- it's getting easier with time and some practice...

Little Dee at 2-months-2-days; he is smiling a lot these days :)

Otherwise life is going on at a rather predictable fashion- devoting all my time to the Little Monster. I guess the universe inside my head has been pretty uneventful too [or that I'm trying HARD to keep it that way].

I guess that explains the situation of my blogposts (or therelackof rather)...

... and this is one of the things I wish weren't so.


Wednesday, August 29, 2012 | By: Reenie

Smiles and Baby Talks

... there are 'those' moments when I realize over and over again that it's not only me whose world starts and ends with another human being [a tiny one at that] lately- but Little Dee also has the same story- he needs me, he knows me and- perhaps in a way only a two-month old can- he loves me too...

 The thought is humbling...

 ... and it makes me smile. Every time :)...
Wednesday, August 8, 2012 | By: Reenie

Baby It's Cold Outside...

It's a cold, grey and rainy Melbourne day.

My house is warm and if I do not have a mug of something warm with me that's because I'm feeling kinda lazy...

... my two-legged baby is sleeping in the blue cot that his dad and I had chosen for him months before he was born, he is filling out the room with many noises that newborns often make in their sleep [and oh... aren't those newborns little noise machines!?! I remember being wide awake in my first night at the hospital with Little Dee (and that too after a 17-hour labour), the sounds he was making were so 'strange' I just couldn't figure them out!], and my four-legged one is sitting close to me watching the rain and the swaying trees... being the cute kitten that he is.

... I'm at the best place that I can be on a day like this: home.

... and other than this inexplicable warm and fuzzy feeling that's making me smile... there's just no sign of 'warmth' ANYWHERE as far as my eyes can go! 

... but it's a good day for me regardless- the weather inside of me is all good and happy; and I hope so it is for you :)

[Title Credit: Baby, it's cold outside- Dean Martin; Photo Credit: Melburnian at Facebook]
Monday, July 30, 2012 | By: Reenie

Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps

One of my favourite Bengali authors passed away recently... and it made me very sad...

... even though I'm out of touch from Bengali literature for years and years now, even though it had been a while that I had picked up a Humayun Ahmed book or even looked for a Kindle version, even though it had been years since I had given any thought to the most interesting characters he had created- Himu, Misir Ali and many more...


... but the news of his death brought a few things back and with some help from a friend- I now have all his books to read and re-read; and I am appreciating once more the easy flow of words, the lucid style of writing and the witty off-hand remarks here and there... and I am sometimes transported to rainy Dhaka evenings of my school holidays in another life many many years back...

... because in that life- I had read the same words with warm teacup within my palms, watching the mango trees in monsoon rain and smelling the pages of the newly-bought book... it was a pocket of time where everything was perfect in my otherwise rather imperfect life...

... and I had learnt that perfection exists in moments and hours if not in days and weeks and years... and sometimes... sometimes you don't have to be a kick-ass treasure hunter to find those moments... sometimes those moments are just there in that new book- and perhaps... perhaps all you need to do to catch them is to open the book, curl up with a mug of tea by the window and lose yourself to the moment. 


[Title Credit: Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps- Doris Day]
Tuesday, July 24, 2012 | By: Reenie

Precious...


There I was sitting at the corner of the bed talking to Crazy, while Crazy had the bottle and the bub. He was feeding the bub... while the bub follows my voice and looks at me with his biiiig black eyes... and gives me the most definite BIG gummy smile- as if to say: 


'Hey Mom! I'm happy to see you!'

I'm happy to see you too, my Dani Jaani- now and always...

It's the moments like these that makes me feel (even more) how beautiful life is and how much it is worth living...

PS: I think motherhood is quite rewarding... and oh, I almost forgot to mention, Daniyal is 25 days old today :). 
Tuesday, July 10, 2012 | By: Reenie

Daniyal Ardeshir

My son is now 11 days old. He came 15 days earlier than predicted weighing 2.5 kilos and measuring 48 cms... and it is proving to be every bit life-changing since.

Here, meet Daniyal Ardeshir. He is adorable and quite gorgeous- if I may say so myself :): he DOES have my dimples, but we are yet to figure out who he looks like more. Crazy's family likes to take all the credit of his good looks and my family is doing the same. I'm not minding either- he is cute, I hardly care who he looks like.

In other related news- I haven't had a proper sleep in 12 days, I have not waxed my eyebrows in weeks, I haven't been outside or done anything 'fun' for 12 days... but I know, this is the package deal that comes with early motherhood and I'm okay with that. For now- I'm happy if the kiddo eats, pees and sleeps well, does not have a blocked nose and is generally healthy. My own passion for fashion has taken a backseat meanwhile.

What can I say- it's rather a simple life with simple worries.

It's not that I do not crave the peace and quiet and whole night of sleep (of my previous life) at times- but then there's this newborn with my dimples looking at me with big black eyes full of recognition... and I know I wouldn't change anything for the world.

My world (and the idea of what makes it perfect) has now changed forever. I am now a mum of two gorgeous boys- one four-legged and one two...

... and there's no turning back. 
Wednesday, June 6, 2012 | By: Reenie

Dada, Goodbye.

He used to call me 'Didi'. 

He used to cook the best 'Paya Soup' on Eids, the best I've ever had in this whole wide world.

He loved his gadgets- his laptop, his video camera, his camera, his phone.... this one bit I have inherited from him, I think. I also love my gadgets... I have always been one to think that an iPad actually makes a much better valentine's day gift than a room full of flowers [I won't say I'm not 'romantic'- I just have a different idea of romance, that's all].

Me, Dada and the Brother- watching what he had recorded in the video camera- his happier and healthier times. I believe this was in 2005.  
He loved a game of cards or two. During my childhood, I have seen many of his friends- playing cards and chatting the evening away... and the sounds of merriment and laughter. His inner child was always very apparent.

I remember he used to call my Dida, 'Monu'... it is a term of endearment- but for years I thought that's what my Dida was called, that her name really was 'Monu'.

He was my grandfather, my Dada. He passed away today.

How am I doing? Well, thanks for asking. I'm okay, I'm sad- but okay. He was in a lot of pain, I guess; and it's better he's not suffering anymore. Yeah, I mean it.

... but I realize that with his death, one generation of my family tree is finished- he was my last surviving grandparent; just as with my child's birth next month- a new generation will start. I'm feeling a strange sense of loss in the fact that those two generations never got to meet each other- albeit through Skype, if not face-to-face
Monday, June 4, 2012 | By: Reenie

Countdown

5 more weeks and my life changes forever. Yes, it can be anywhere between 3 to 7 weeks, I know. But for now- I’m just comfortable with saying 5 weeks… it feels comfortably within reach and yet not looming on me all that much.


2 more weeks and I finish work for 7 months… these 2 weeks just won’t go fast enough. I’m so heavy and achy! I wish time went faster for 2 weeks and then slowed down a bit, just so I could catch my breath somewhat before the baby arrives. I’m having a baby, I need to catch my breath, don’t you think? :)

Today is the last Monday of the year that I’m working (next Monday being a public holiday and all that jazz), sorry to say- this Monday is just as bad as all others!

My house is still going through my sporadic nesting experiments- second bedroom is (almost) ready so is the third, major baby stuffs bought, hospital bags packed (mostly) just in case, cot assembled, change station decided and cleared of crap (we need to unpack the change table though, also the pram), almost done with the ‘Labour, Birthing and Parenting’ classes (last one tonight)also the baby clothes are washed, dried and sorted by size (this was the most fun of them all!)

Also… our little boy has a name! Phew!!

It’s true that we are not completely ready yet (I’m not sure we will ever be), but we’re getting there. For a start, let's say, even if the baby ends up not having his father’s good looks and my dimples- I'm quite sure I am past the stage of disappointment of any kind whatsoever… :)
Tuesday, May 22, 2012 | By: Reenie

Wander Wonder...


This is my last month at work before the 7-month parental leave… I am training the girl who is taking over from me while I’m gone, working on the handover document that seems to get longer by the minute, tying the loose-ends, getting the house ready for the baby, a thousand and one doctor's appointments, a thousand and two paperworks... Life has been crazy and busy...

It’s bittersweet; a little overwhelming too- all that change that's about to come: a part of me is apprehensive, a part sad, a part excited, a part is eagerly holding on to this precious time, a part of me can’t wait to step into the first day of the rest of my life… and at the end of the day all parts of me is tired and achy, but I guess that's just one of the more common 'perks' of pregnancy :). 

A month is not a long time. I do not have long to go before I wave goodbye to these people at work I have learnt to consider as ‘friends’- I know much will change when I am back again after seven long months, it always does, the day will soon come when I will start for home one final time for a while hoping that the next morning I’ll wake up all ready to be the kind of mum I have kind of always wanted myself to be

... till then. 

Friday, May 18, 2012 | By: Reenie

Together

I have always found it silly the way memes about greatness of mums get passed on, on Facebook or wherever, of the sacrifices a mum makes- dark circles for flawless complexions, sleepless nights, nappy bags for designer bags and how the mums want recognition from the world for ‘giving it all up’. I find this need of glorifying silly, because having a child is a matter of choice. Once you made the choice, you cannot do it any less [well, except for getting a ‘designer nappy bag’ perhaps ;)].


... but then I realized that there are instances when women became mothers because their partners wanted a child- not because THEY wanted one, there are women who do not have a say over their bodies, their lives, their decisions- as a woman they are ‘expected’ to be mums/ wives/ anyone but themselves… and uneven decision-making is a part of many women’s lives. I have seen it in many- it is commonplace in Asia, it is commonplace in the religion my mother practices, it is commonplace behind the closed doors sometimes in the West too… it is perhaps more common than the common you and I can fathom.

I don’t readily understand those memes perhaps because I belong to the ‘lucky club’- the man that I call my own was never under the illusion that having a penis is what gives him a upper hand in our relationship; I do not have a religion - I have actually rejected the one I was born into, one that demeans women and brainwashes them in such a way that even they themselves do not see it and though time will tell for sure- I think my Crazy will be a wonderful father to our child, just as he is a wonderful life-partner to me…

… and those dark circles, sleepless nights and nappy bags will be as much a part of HIS life as they will be mine.

... those seem silly to me because though my life is changing in enormous proportions, so is his life… we are in it together and, for me, there just can't be any other way...

... and that makes a difference.

Monday, May 14, 2012 | By: Reenie

Bump

I have 8 more weeks till the official due date of delivery- which means it is assumed that I can very well have as less as 6 weeks to 10 weeks [hey, they do say 2 weeks give or take !] in hand to get things in order. [Now, excuse me while I panic a little] ONLY 6 WEEKS! SIX WEEKS!!!! Even last night I had a dream that my house has mystically shrank so much that we couldn’t even make the pram get into the house!

So far we have bought a cot, cot mattress, pram, pram bassinet, cat seat… and a few small things we either bought or received as a baby shower gift [oh yes, we had a friend arrange one for us last weekend. It was a hell lot of fun :)] like- a video monitor, a newborn kit of bottles, a bottle sterilizer, clothes [both new and hand-me-downs from R&R’s 2 month old- cute little doll-like clothes :)], bath gels & oils etc, a nappy bag, a nappy warmer and oh, how could I forget… nappies [we bought about 250 nappies so far- I hear it’ll last us for about 25 days. I know what you’re thinking (because I’m thinking the same)- babies DO poo a lot- don’t they?]!

There are moments I feel that my house is still unprepared for a baby (bedrooms!, cot assembly!, cleaning till it squeaks!, washing baby clothes before putting them away as ‘ready’!, a long list of things still to buy!, OMG!)… and then I feel the pokes/ kicks/ punches/ rolls from inside of me and it calms me to the point I put the panics aside and whispers to him that we’ll meet soon...

… and I think I’d like that, quite a lot.
Monday, May 7, 2012 | By: Reenie

The Vibe

One part of growing up is realizing that you have more friends than you think

... or less- depending on your own personality type, I guess. My theory is that if you are quite, reserved, mildly-cynical and choosy about making new friends- the first probably applies to you more; if you are not- then probably the second.

I’m the first type and I am beginning to consider myself as lucky at this stage of my life :). It’s like the friends were there all along, it just took me SO LONG to see! I am beginning to see things like- love, friendship and care- in places I have not really looked before. They were there all along and I’m glad I did look now, because it’s such a pleasant surprise. I wish there were enough words to describe how pleasant

but it’s okay even if there are no words… because sometimes words do a poor job in describing things of the heart.

I think this is one of those.
Thursday, May 3, 2012 | By: Reenie

Self Esteem

Every time the shallow girl in me looks at the mirror and the word ‘fat’ crosses her thoughts- I try and think of the number of times he has told me in the past few months that I’m beautiful; even with my pregnant belly and the extra kilos, he seems to think so.




So yea- I tell the shallow girl that I look okay and I like it (a lot) that I’m still beautiful to him.

Thank you Honey.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012 | By: Reenie

Hellos and Goodbyes

There is a friendship that I have finally let go.


Actually, it was not just me; it was rather equally me and him- and I cannot pinpoint when exactly it happened- but I have no doubt in my mind that it did. Yes, there were waters under the bridge- but the friendship was much bigger than the waters combined, at least that’s what I thought.

The last time I wrote to him was back in December (after about a year of silence). I let him know of the pregnancy, not many people knew of it back then. I thought he deserved to know from me before the whole world knows and eager little birds take it as their duties to ‘update’ him of the latest developments of my life.

His silence since then probably means that he does not care much about keeping me as a friend.

and that’s okay. I kinda knew it anyway.

I just had to be sure before writing it off my books.
Monday, April 23, 2012 | By: Reenie

Are you ever ready?

It’s been months I have been pushing it farther deep inside… you know that nagging voice in my head that tells me incessantly that I’m not ready. It is nasty, that voice: it points at my overgrown yard, my mismatched bed socks on a Saturday morning, my exhausted not-so-attractive pregnant body, the ‘stretch marks’ that have started appearing, the bedroom# 3 that needs ‘fixing up’, the unfinished nursery (so much to buy!), the paperwork I’m yet to complete, a crazy schedule throughout May with ‘birthing and labour’ classes and what-not…

… it mocks at me whispering: ‘Oh, you are so not ready!

In a way, I know that voice is right. I probably am not ready. But it bothers me much less now than it did before- because I kinda realized I would never have been ready, I have always been ‘cautious’ that way…

... and also, to be fair on myself, I probably give myself much less credit for what I am capable of; after all the kitten has taught me a few things about myself, like- I can be protective, passionate, caring and selfless with a very strong maternal instinct that has driven me to the end of the world on many occasions to make sure my baby (baby#1, the kitten) is safe, healthy and is treated right [Big words, I know, but do you have anything smaller that you can describe ‘parenthood’ by? I don't]

… and that tells me it’s probably okay, that we’ll probably be okay… and that I may not be the best- but I will probably be an 'okay enough' mum.
Friday, April 20, 2012 | By: Reenie

A Tribute

My uncle passed away a few days back.

We haven’t been in touch for years- he had never married, never had children or furkids. For the last few years of his life, he was a lonely man- with no family or friends- unwanted due to his sometimes eccentric and paranoid nature… the only family he had any kind of contact with in his last few years is my dad.

But there was a time we were close. There was a time we used to live in the same house- in a ‘joint family’ house- as the East calls it. I remember him humming silly catchy tunes with his own lyrics, I remember him whistling along with the radio, I remember his love of a then-famous Indian actress- Madhuri Dixit, his crush for a beautiful neighbour, his closeness to my dad- and the loud brotherly laughter (of him and my dad) echoing through the nights…

I have met him two years back when I went to Dhaka- I do not remember where exactly, but I remember him asking me if I lived in Melbourne or Sydney and if I liked it there. I fear my reluctance to have anything to do with my extended family (I have issues too), had made me a little distant; my answers were short. If I were to do that meeting all over again now, I would do it differently. I would at least remember what he said when I politely asked him what he was up to now-a-days.

But the fact remains- I do not. So I am doing what I can. I am remembering him in his best light. He wasn’t perfect, neither am I... and as I always say, he is not a better person when he’s dead- but I believe he wasn’t evil; he was paranoid, bitter and rude perhaps- but he was also very very lonely. He made poor choices, he was sorely taken advantage of- and in the end he died alone. I think it is a sad life.

I wish life was kinder to you, Reza Ali. I do not believe in an afterlife, but for your sake- I wish I were wrong… that there was a life waiting for you that balances out the loneliness you endured with something nice and good. We will never ever meet again- but I will remember you every time I watch a Madhuri Dixit movie for the rest of my life.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012 | By: Reenie

Stories told, Stories untold

 I have finally hired a gardener. He starts this weekend- my first step to getting my house in some kind of shape before the big change arrives- the garden.

… and then the bedroom 3, then the nursery… busy busy busy times ahead.

On a related note, I- for the life of me- could NEVER find my heart in gardening. I can’t help but feel that I must have something fundamentally wrong with me- after all, I am yet to meet another person who LOATHES gardening half as much as I do!

… also cooking… not that I do not cook for pleasure ever, but the majority of times- cooking, to me, is nothing but a chore. I know, I too am convinced I have the ‘creative chip’ missing from my brain!

On a semi-related note, my new gardener looks like a childhood friend of mine- one that I recently found on Facebook after 20+ years of no contact and it brought back a flood of memories of a life mostly forgotten.

Life can be such a plot for a great story at times, don’t you think?
Thursday, April 12, 2012 | By: Reenie

Flat Shoes, Cold Mornings & Random Thoughts

Just an update on my life as of now:

1. The bump is getting bigger. I am stepping into my seventh month of pregnancy in just a few days.

2. There is a LOT of things to buy and loads to fix. One burning example is that we bought a baby cot wa-aa-y back in February (a cute colourful one that we just couldn’t resist!) and are yet to assemble it.

3. There is a ‘perfect’ name to be found and I’m running out of time.

4. I have had blood drawn for my gestational diabetes test yesterday… I’m convinced I’ll be ‘a positive’ due to my strong family history of diabetes. The results haven’t come in yet though.

5. Cold winter mornings are back.

6. High heels are out. I’m wearing flats these days. And unlike all other times in the past, without many qualms- who’d have thought that I’ll be mellowed down (shoe-wise) like this?

7. … though I’m trying not to panic each time I look at the scales- after all I have never in my life weighed over 51 kilos before!

In the strangest possible way, I miss writing sometimes; but then, when I do end up writing- I feel exposed… so many-a-times I end up closing the ‘compose’ page and open the one that says is a ‘treasure’ for baby names… Bullshit. There is NO SITE that I have found so far that I can call a treasure for baby names. Fact.

Anyone there to help me out so that my future offspring does not go nameless- or worse, does not end up with a BAD name?

Oh, the horror.

Oh a different note, how have you all been btw?
Thursday, March 1, 2012 | By: Reenie

The sun'll come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun!

I haven’t seen the sun in the last two days. The sky is full of thick light ash-coloured clouds and the Yarra, on my way to work, looked sad. I’m longing for the sun, because it makes my mornings better to see the Yarra River smile.

Life is going good otherwise, despite the lack of warmth or sunshine. Amidst our trips to Ikea, work pressure and other obligations- we have had time to laugh, smile and ‘smell the roses’… and that, my friends, is never a bad thing; as I always say if you want life to smile back at you- take the first step and start with yourself.

Yes- I’m longing for the sun as I said; and every morning I’m looking at Yarra from the tram window- on my way to work- waiting for her to smile back at me… and I’m quite sure one of these days, she will too.

[Title Credit: Tomorrow- ‘Annie’]
Sunday, February 19, 2012 | By: Reenie

The more you know the less you feel, some pray for and others steal; blessings are not just for the ones who kneel... luckily*

There is a life growing inside of me... it's been about twenty-ish weeks that I've known- and yet each time I think of it, I'm amazed all over again.

It's been a few weeks that I have started to feel that life move, kick and probably do something much more drastic (like may be ballet or somersault? It feels like it sometimes, to be honest). These days I put my hand on my tummy each time I feel it move- I think I feel little 'heels' pushing against me, but I can't be sure.


This is all so new for me.

... but every now and then- I do tell myself that this little nest of mine is going to have a new tiny person. And who knows, may be one of these days the thought will cease to seem so unreal and scary too?


*Title Credit: City of Blinding Lights by U2
Friday, February 3, 2012 | By: Reenie

So nobody ever told us, baby, how it was gonna be… so what'll happen to us, baby, guess we'll have to wait and see*

A sunny day today- mercury rising pleasantly and giving us the taste of the last few summer days before winter comes galloping in. I’m at work, my head swimming in words and numbers and ‘Estranged’ (by GNR) in my ears- such an odd song of choice for such a bright day, eh? No reason, just one of those things.

Life has been busy and ‘interesting’- mostly in a good way. There is still some darkness and I’m still in a tunnel- but not without torchlight :); and for now, I am okay with that. There have been some changes too- many twists and turns in uncharted territories, scary sometimes but strangely exciting in others. And while usually I’m not fond of changes much- I figured we live only once after all; and changes probably indicate that I’m ‘living’ it instead of just mindlessly ‘being in a trap called *life*’.

So yea, here I am- living the only life that I’ve got; and the journey is ‘growing on me’… there has been moments I’ve missed you, my friends, and I hope you all have been alive and ‘living’ too. I needed a few hundred days to touch base with myself before I could reach out and know about your days- I hope you can forgive me for that.

… and on my ‘one of the’ last days of summer, I am hoping for some sun your way too.

[Title Credit: Estranged by Guns N’ Roses]
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