Tuesday, May 22, 2012 | By: Reenie

Wander Wonder...


This is my last month at work before the 7-month parental leave… I am training the girl who is taking over from me while I’m gone, working on the handover document that seems to get longer by the minute, tying the loose-ends, getting the house ready for the baby, a thousand and one doctor's appointments, a thousand and two paperworks... Life has been crazy and busy...

It’s bittersweet; a little overwhelming too- all that change that's about to come: a part of me is apprehensive, a part sad, a part excited, a part is eagerly holding on to this precious time, a part of me can’t wait to step into the first day of the rest of my life… and at the end of the day all parts of me is tired and achy, but I guess that's just one of the more common 'perks' of pregnancy :). 

A month is not a long time. I do not have long to go before I wave goodbye to these people at work I have learnt to consider as ‘friends’- I know much will change when I am back again after seven long months, it always does, the day will soon come when I will start for home one final time for a while hoping that the next morning I’ll wake up all ready to be the kind of mum I have kind of always wanted myself to be

... till then. 

Friday, May 18, 2012 | By: Reenie

Together

I have always found it silly the way memes about greatness of mums get passed on, on Facebook or wherever, of the sacrifices a mum makes- dark circles for flawless complexions, sleepless nights, nappy bags for designer bags and how the mums want recognition from the world for ‘giving it all up’. I find this need of glorifying silly, because having a child is a matter of choice. Once you made the choice, you cannot do it any less [well, except for getting a ‘designer nappy bag’ perhaps ;)].


... but then I realized that there are instances when women became mothers because their partners wanted a child- not because THEY wanted one, there are women who do not have a say over their bodies, their lives, their decisions- as a woman they are ‘expected’ to be mums/ wives/ anyone but themselves… and uneven decision-making is a part of many women’s lives. I have seen it in many- it is commonplace in Asia, it is commonplace in the religion my mother practices, it is commonplace behind the closed doors sometimes in the West too… it is perhaps more common than the common you and I can fathom.

I don’t readily understand those memes perhaps because I belong to the ‘lucky club’- the man that I call my own was never under the illusion that having a penis is what gives him a upper hand in our relationship; I do not have a religion - I have actually rejected the one I was born into, one that demeans women and brainwashes them in such a way that even they themselves do not see it and though time will tell for sure- I think my Crazy will be a wonderful father to our child, just as he is a wonderful life-partner to me…

… and those dark circles, sleepless nights and nappy bags will be as much a part of HIS life as they will be mine.

... those seem silly to me because though my life is changing in enormous proportions, so is his life… we are in it together and, for me, there just can't be any other way...

... and that makes a difference.

Monday, May 14, 2012 | By: Reenie

Bump

I have 8 more weeks till the official due date of delivery- which means it is assumed that I can very well have as less as 6 weeks to 10 weeks [hey, they do say 2 weeks give or take !] in hand to get things in order. [Now, excuse me while I panic a little] ONLY 6 WEEKS! SIX WEEKS!!!! Even last night I had a dream that my house has mystically shrank so much that we couldn’t even make the pram get into the house!

So far we have bought a cot, cot mattress, pram, pram bassinet, cat seat… and a few small things we either bought or received as a baby shower gift [oh yes, we had a friend arrange one for us last weekend. It was a hell lot of fun :)] like- a video monitor, a newborn kit of bottles, a bottle sterilizer, clothes [both new and hand-me-downs from R&R’s 2 month old- cute little doll-like clothes :)], bath gels & oils etc, a nappy bag, a nappy warmer and oh, how could I forget… nappies [we bought about 250 nappies so far- I hear it’ll last us for about 25 days. I know what you’re thinking (because I’m thinking the same)- babies DO poo a lot- don’t they?]!

There are moments I feel that my house is still unprepared for a baby (bedrooms!, cot assembly!, cleaning till it squeaks!, washing baby clothes before putting them away as ‘ready’!, a long list of things still to buy!, OMG!)… and then I feel the pokes/ kicks/ punches/ rolls from inside of me and it calms me to the point I put the panics aside and whispers to him that we’ll meet soon...

… and I think I’d like that, quite a lot.
Monday, May 7, 2012 | By: Reenie

The Vibe

One part of growing up is realizing that you have more friends than you think

... or less- depending on your own personality type, I guess. My theory is that if you are quite, reserved, mildly-cynical and choosy about making new friends- the first probably applies to you more; if you are not- then probably the second.

I’m the first type and I am beginning to consider myself as lucky at this stage of my life :). It’s like the friends were there all along, it just took me SO LONG to see! I am beginning to see things like- love, friendship and care- in places I have not really looked before. They were there all along and I’m glad I did look now, because it’s such a pleasant surprise. I wish there were enough words to describe how pleasant

but it’s okay even if there are no words… because sometimes words do a poor job in describing things of the heart.

I think this is one of those.
Thursday, May 3, 2012 | By: Reenie

Self Esteem

Every time the shallow girl in me looks at the mirror and the word ‘fat’ crosses her thoughts- I try and think of the number of times he has told me in the past few months that I’m beautiful; even with my pregnant belly and the extra kilos, he seems to think so.




So yea- I tell the shallow girl that I look okay and I like it (a lot) that I’m still beautiful to him.

Thank you Honey.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012 | By: Reenie

Hellos and Goodbyes

There is a friendship that I have finally let go.


Actually, it was not just me; it was rather equally me and him- and I cannot pinpoint when exactly it happened- but I have no doubt in my mind that it did. Yes, there were waters under the bridge- but the friendship was much bigger than the waters combined, at least that’s what I thought.

The last time I wrote to him was back in December (after about a year of silence). I let him know of the pregnancy, not many people knew of it back then. I thought he deserved to know from me before the whole world knows and eager little birds take it as their duties to ‘update’ him of the latest developments of my life.

His silence since then probably means that he does not care much about keeping me as a friend.

and that’s okay. I kinda knew it anyway.

I just had to be sure before writing it off my books.
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